Forgiveness is A Process

I'm alive and back in love. So we finally made up and no regrets so far. I must admit I do still love him.
I am happy that things are back to "normal" although I do still have some apprehensions and fears that I can't shake off. I guess forgiveness is a process and it will take time before things are back to perfect. No sorry correction, things cannot be back to perfect no matter how much I wish it could be. But we are going to try... He has been extra loving to me these days. I secretly hope its for real.

My realizations:

1. When you have children and have problems with your spouse, oftentimes we must put aside our own feelings and put the good of the kids before our own. I love my kids too much to allow them the pain of a broken family.

2. In spite of the present situation I can't deny that our past bonding still more than makes up for any current shortcomings. Its so difficult to forget the moments of love and happiness you have shared together. I realized that I cannot throw it all away after all, I made a promise to love thru better or worse.

3. If both of us let pride prevail, nothing will happen and no one will give in.

4. It is still possible to make future memories if I can forgive and look beyond his imperfections. In short, give him another chance.

5. Current family concerns need to be addressed by both parents. Who else will solve the family problems but the parents ? Preferably both parents together. What started our conversation is the need to address some family concerns. This evolved into talking about us.

6. I still love him in spite of everything we have been thru. Am still capable of forgiving him again. I just pray he won't abuse my love again.

The Moon, the Stars and a Miracle

Today I will be seeing my counsellor again. Been seeing her for 2 years. Still don't know what to say or what I need after the latest issue between me and The Husband.

Of course, I know I need to be happy again. Thats one. I need to be with my kids. Thats two. I need to have my old husband back. Thats three. Old husband...hmm... can't even remember what it was like before.

Married with Kids or Separated with Kids?

Status: Married with kids.

There is a big difference with being married with kids and married without kids.
There is also a big difference with being separated with kids and separated without kids.

My dilema is : To be married with kids or separated with kids?

Kids are the sweetest and most lovable specially when they are young. When they get older, they learn to reason and have their own concerns with life. They get affected in different ways with the way their parents deal with each other. They make their own conclusions and analysis. Of course, you can't explain the entire situation to them. With the limited information they have they turn against you or are for you. Is it fair to tear the family apart?