No Mercy for Bullies !

A child I know opened up to me about being bullied. She did not want her parents to know because she didn't want to get in trouble in school. This is what I told her :

1. I thanked her for opening up to me because that means she trusts me.
2. I told her to try not to let the bullies get her down emotionally.
3. I told her that what is important is that she believes in herself and that the opinion of the bully does not matter. She may just be jealous of her.
4. I told her not to pick a fight or retaliate with the bully and just walk away. ignore and avoid this person. I consider this the best revenge.
5. Against her wishes, I had to relay the information to her counsellor so it may be properly relayed to the parents. Of course with them promising not to divulge the source of the information. It is important that the parents are aware of what is happening to their children. I would personally want to know if my child is being bullied. It is also important for the school to do something about the situation.
6. I explained to her that bullying must be stopped and it is not important what the bully thinks because in the first place the bully does not even consider her feelings when she bullies her.

Fruits of Patience,Forgiveness and Humility

Today is a good day. The Husband surprisingly opened up re a sensitive topic... on his own! I hope this is the start of good communication between us. I consider this a positive step in the recovery of our relationship and fruits of my forgiveness and patience. Thank you Lord for this blessing today. I feel that I can survive our current challenges better as long as we work together and have each others love to pull us thru.

It seems there is always hope to survive broken relationships. However difficult it may be as long as there is forgiveness, patience and humility left, there is hope. I think it took a lot of humility on his part to open up and talk with me. It also took a lot of humility on my part to forgive him and open up again to the possibility of reconciliation.

I am open to whatever will unfold in the next dew days, weeks, months to come. We still have a long way to go... but baby steps will get us there.

Smile everyone ... and to those undergoing relationship problems, lets HANG IN THERE!

Tiger Wife and Tiger Husband

Been reading a lot about the controversial Tiger Mom Amy Chua and her article  Why Chinese Mothers are Superior. It amuses me to also have read the article by AnnMaria De Mars  Why American Mothers are Superior. It is an example of the more common reactions to this latest controversy.

In our family, we broke all the golden rules of the Tiger Mom. We have playdates, allow sleepovers, my daughter starred in a school play, they are not top of the class nor straight A students but have 85-90+ averages,  allowed to choose extra curricular activities and have sports training EVERYDAY after school. Like the American mom ( as per Ann Mari De Mars article), I aim to teach my children to learn well, live well and love well. But I admit they need to be guided sometimes by an iron fist. I believe in discipline but not in a military fashion. More of like making them understand the benefits of the virtue and holding their hand while helping them try their best. Like Amy Chua, I believe in pushing them to their limits but definitely not in the extreme that she does. In short, for me a combination of both is working well with my kids. So far so good.

According to Amy Chuas daughter Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld in her article Why I Love My Strict Tiger Mom, the approach of the Tiger mom worked well with her and she loves and thanks her mom for all her efforts. Am happy for her if she feels that way.

What about being a Tiger wife with a Tiger Husband (Tiger woods-like husband)? Would that work? Okay so hes a far cry from Tiger Woods ( I hope!) but nevertheless Im sure my pain is the same pain Elin Woods must have felt. She chose to leave him... If I were to be a Tiger wife and stay and try and try and try my best to make it work, would that work out too?

Counting My Blessings

 I just feel so down right now. Let me count my blessings, hope that gets my spirit up.

1. I have wonderful kids. They are what I live for. They help me bear all the trauma I've been through. I love them so much and hope that they will love me forever too. Maybe one day they will understand why I have been the way I am lately. I hope I can hang on for their sake. I always want them to be happy. I wish them a great life ahead and hope they never experience the sadness I am in now. If they do, I hope they can get up, be strong and survive it. I hope I can be an good example and survive my own trials.

2. I have a job. It may not pay much but it keeps me sane. Something to look forward to almost everyday. Its something I have always wanted to do. It empowers and challenges me. It gets my mind off my depression even for awhile.

Silence

The silence is deafening.

He walks quietly past me yet I hear myself screaming inside. He doesn't say a word and I hear him lie. I type quietly at my computer but he hears me rant. How many days will this go on? There's work to be done, schedules to coordinate, bills to be paid, school activities to attend, stories to tell, restaurants to try, trips to make, movies to watch, kids to love and hands to hold.

Its driving me nuts but I need to keep my stand for the sake of myself and for the sake of my kids. Does that make sense?

Look Mom !

The sweetest words for the day : Look Mom!

Makes my heart melt everytime... I can hear the confidence in his voice...my little boy is so sure he created a masterpiece out of the blocks he constructed...he is so sure I would get up to go check it out... he is so sure I would love it! and he is so sure that I love him.

Wish he would love me forever and ever. Wish he never outgrows his innocence. Wish I could protect him from all the hurt in the world. Wish I could find the courage and perseverance to keep his parents marriage alive. Wish I could be sure of The Husbands love and fidelity to me.

Wish I could say Look World! We are one big happy family !

The Moon, the Stars and a Miracle

Today I will be seeing my counsellor again. Been seeing her for 2 years. Still don't know what to say or what I need after the latest issue between me and The Husband.

Of course, I know I need to be happy again. Thats one. I need to be with my kids. Thats two. I need to have my old husband back. Thats three. Old husband...hmm... can't even remember what it was like before.

Where have I been? Where am I now?

Where have I been?

Been thru a lot thats what. Its been years since I've updated this blog. So much has happened and so much has been learned...

Been having problems with my marriage. There, I said it.
Been lost in a deep slumber of depression, denial and hoping everything will be alright.
Been feeling sorry for myself, angry and bitter.
Been feeling trapped with no way out.
Been trying to find my old self again after all these years of being a mom and a wife.
Been neglecting my kids while focusing too much on my dissappointments.
Been to a Psychiatrist and a Marriage Counselor.
Been praying for light at the end of the long dark tunnel.

Where am I now?

Am facing reality.
Am finding my independence and ways to empower myself.
Am fighting to get a hold of my sanity.
Am loving my kids and showing them I can be a great mom again.
Am accepting the fact that my husband has limitations and is not perfect.
Am realizing that I have a choice whether to live with his limitations or not.
Am deciding whether to stay or to go.
Am blessed with lifelong friends to help me get thru this.

Am back to this blog and hope to update it regularly again. I have also revised the title of my blog and added marriage aside from parenting.