Update on My Makeover

Yes I did have a makeover yesterday AND today. I spent 2 days in a row at the beauty parlor. Now I feel better on the outside. The inside is another story. Should i do a makeover inside too? Is it me or is it him that needs one... a cheating spouse can be so manipulative and convincing. He can make you feel like everything is your fault (even if he had a choice in the first place whether to cheat or not). Its easy for him to finger point when he should instead look at himself in the mirror.

Counting My Blessings

 I just feel so down right now. Let me count my blessings, hope that gets my spirit up.

1. I have wonderful kids. They are what I live for. They help me bear all the trauma I've been through. I love them so much and hope that they will love me forever too. Maybe one day they will understand why I have been the way I am lately. I hope I can hang on for their sake. I always want them to be happy. I wish them a great life ahead and hope they never experience the sadness I am in now. If they do, I hope they can get up, be strong and survive it. I hope I can be an good example and survive my own trials.

2. I have a job. It may not pay much but it keeps me sane. Something to look forward to almost everyday. Its something I have always wanted to do. It empowers and challenges me. It gets my mind off my depression even for awhile.

Where have I been? Where am I now?

Where have I been?

Been thru a lot thats what. Its been years since I've updated this blog. So much has happened and so much has been learned...

Been having problems with my marriage. There, I said it.
Been lost in a deep slumber of depression, denial and hoping everything will be alright.
Been feeling sorry for myself, angry and bitter.
Been feeling trapped with no way out.
Been trying to find my old self again after all these years of being a mom and a wife.
Been neglecting my kids while focusing too much on my dissappointments.
Been to a Psychiatrist and a Marriage Counselor.
Been praying for light at the end of the long dark tunnel.

Where am I now?

Am facing reality.
Am finding my independence and ways to empower myself.
Am fighting to get a hold of my sanity.
Am loving my kids and showing them I can be a great mom again.
Am accepting the fact that my husband has limitations and is not perfect.
Am realizing that I have a choice whether to live with his limitations or not.
Am deciding whether to stay or to go.
Am blessed with lifelong friends to help me get thru this.

Am back to this blog and hope to update it regularly again. I have also revised the title of my blog and added marriage aside from parenting.