Been reading a lot about the controversial Tiger Mom Amy Chua and her article Why Chinese Mothers are Superior. It amuses me to also have read the article by AnnMaria De Mars Why American Mothers are Superior. It is an example of the more common reactions to this latest controversy.
In our family, we broke all the golden rules of the Tiger Mom. We have playdates, allow sleepovers, my daughter starred in a school play, they are not top of the class nor straight A students but have 85-90+ averages, allowed to choose extra curricular activities and have sports training EVERYDAY after school. Like the American mom ( as per Ann Mari De Mars article), I aim to teach my children to learn well, live well and love well. But I admit they need to be guided sometimes by an iron fist. I believe in discipline but not in a military fashion. More of like making them understand the benefits of the virtue and holding their hand while helping them try their best. Like Amy Chua, I believe in pushing them to their limits but definitely not in the extreme that she does. In short, for me a combination of both is working well with my kids. So far so good.
According to Amy Chuas daughter Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld in her article Why I Love My Strict Tiger Mom, the approach of the Tiger mom worked well with her and she loves and thanks her mom for all her efforts. Am happy for her if she feels that way.
What about being a Tiger wife with a Tiger Husband (Tiger woods-like husband)? Would that work? Okay so hes a far cry from Tiger Woods ( I hope!) but nevertheless Im sure my pain is the same pain Elin Woods must have felt. She chose to leave him... If I were to be a Tiger wife and stay and try and try and try my best to make it work, would that work out too?
If I were to be a Tiger wife, as in ala Tiger Mom I'd demand/ expect him to get "a perfect grade." Be the perfect husband to me thru practice practice practice! Nope...won't work if he doesn't feel it from his heart. I believe if he really loved me it would come naturally. This is what disappoints me so much. As the days go on, and no effort is made on his part to make things right it becomes more and more obvious that we have drifted apart. Nope, cant be a Tiger wife here. But wait... maybe if I practice with him or help him to practice maybe it will work?
If I were to be a Tiger wife, I'd expect him to owe me after everything I've done for him and the kids. Okay, I admit when I am in my self pity mood I am guilty of this. According to Chua, western parents think kids don't owe them anything because they didn't choose to be born. She thinks its a terrible deal for parents. Well, The Tiger Husband chose me to marry (and I chose to marry him too) so doesn't that mean he owes me and I owe him? To love each other thru better or worst, till death do us part? Yes I am a Tiger wife on this point but then again promises are made to be broken they say. But I don't want to break that promise, am still not sure if he does though. Sigh!
If I were to be a Tiger wife, I would believe I know what is best for the Tiger Husband and override his preferences. Actually this is what was our last fight was all about. A difference of opinion related to a major decision of relocating. Not that I was forcing him to follow what I think is best. I made it clear I respect his views but I also have a choice if I would go along with the move or not given our major difference of opinion. Why force him not to follow his heart? Nope can't be a Tiger wife on this point. But then again maybe instead of just making my stand (and secretly waiting to see if he will give in to me) we could discuss the pros and cons again of each of our points of view. Now if only we can improve our communication skills...
Like Sophia would my Tiger Husband love and thank me if I were to be a Tiger Wife? Something to reflect on again... I think pride on both sides is taking over the love factor.
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